24;

I wish* this was my real to-do list, unfortunately for the next 24 days or so i will remain contained in my room, studying, except of course for the days of which i have to leave my prison cell and go attempt my tee, i mean own my tee, honest mother :) yeh, probably not, but i'm going to try. i'm praying for us fellow year 12s. We'll ace em Inshallah*.. and then its holidayss..a long, 3 months of blessed holidays. i cant wait, there are so many things i want to do, so many sweets i want to bake, so many people i want to spend time with..just 24 days left, 24.days.left..Bismillah..

behold the rainbow ! :)

so it was my 7teenthh yesterday and i decided that although i had originally planned to commence the making of the legendary rainbow cake after my tee exams i just could not wait a day longer; and what better way to spend my birthday i thought, than to slave in the kitchen for 5hrs, baking my own birthday cake,..yeh that sounded better in my head. im not crazy. it actually made me insanely happy, like seriously i felt like a 6 year old unleashed into a candy store, knowing everything was freee! it took a long time, a lot of patience and a lot of cleaning/scrubing off food colouring stains off my hands but when i had finished it, no, when my lovliess came over that day and i cut the cake open oh so carefully and took the first piece out..when that explosion of rainbow, painstakingly constructed to excite the eye and quicken the pulse - well my pulse, yes these types of things excite the hell outta me, like physically - i was jumping around and clapping my hands like a little school girl. im not weird. when i was exposed to what i can only describe as perfection, yes im modest too :p, it took me 5hrs, leave me be, i deserve to bask in glory for this :p. but the best part was when my gorgeous girls took the first bite of their slice of rainbow cake, not only did it look amazing but it tasted even better. im not biased, everyone who tried it said so :p. aside from the feeling of immense accomplishment i got from actually succeeding in making and not burning at all THE rainbowcake i had a great day, a few nice phone calls, txt messages and of course i was lucky enough to spend the day with some of my favourite people in the entire world; eating masses of junkfood, kebabs, rainbowcakee and watching confusing romantic comedies with not so hotshot actor - Mark Polish.. yeh i hadnt heard of him until now either :p, its no wonder he was no where to be seen on the cover, even though he was the main character.., unfortunately :S. Alas, it was just nice to have the people i love around me, delicious food in my mouth/stomach and my rainbowcakee sitting oh so pretty and colourful on the dining room table :)

Whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you..stranger.

-The Dark Night

if they say why, why? Tell em that its human nature..

whose an idiot? im an idiot. should stick a massive sign on my forehead. shoulda, coulda, woulda done alota things, anything but that. i dont even know why i care so much, but i do. i dont want you to be so predominently important, but you are. i was trying to prove a point to myself but now that your feelings are involved they're the only ones that matter :S. id drop everything if youd ask me to, disregard others feelings over yours if itd make you feel better, but i shouldnt. why do i have to constantly remind myself that there are so many things i shouldnt do. you shoudlnt be that important, i mean not in that sense. i think too much of you, id do too much for you but i shouldnt, i mean i shouldnt right?

When you look up at the stars and realise what an insignificant spec of lint you are, compared to the humongous immensity of the infinite universe, you've gotta ask yourself: How much does a final paper really matter, anyway?

- Pete Wrigley, The adventures of Pete and Pete

if your going through hell, keep going.

i want to curse, scream and shout, throw punches right smack in the faces of some people, but i wont, i cant. i could fight, seek revenge, but i know thats not me, i know its shaytan talking, whispering in my ear trying to get to me, trying to make me feel hate, anger..i dont want to feel that way though, i wont if i can help it - ill rise above all of that inshallah - ill take the highroad. i dont know what peoples reasons are but maybe it is too drastic to say that no one gives a crap. Although most of the things i've heard throughout my life feel like empty words at the moment id like to believe no one in my family would wish bad upon us or want us to suffer. i want to stay positive about everything, i dont want to get down, i cant afford that right now, not when my mocks are here and my tee are just around the corner. its been hard, its been the worst its ever been, but its still better than most, i have to remember that. i am still thankful that everyone in my family has their health; that my dad is okay, that we are coping. i think we're coping. i know i have to stick this out and be patient, i have faith that if i do that things will eventually fall into place again. Allah (swt) will get us through this, we just need to leave it in His hands, trust in Him, have patience and sit back and wait for this crazy ride to be over because i know that even if i come off shaking, i'll be standing on my own two feet again, walking away from the ride, with just a memory.

Human beings are simple, predictable cliches. Broken hearts, betrayal, its all been done a million times before. The problem is, every time still hurts like the first. And if you're lucky enough to recover, you can be sure that just as you finish filling in all the cracks in your life, the next one is starting to open. - Dead like me

25 things :)

stole this challenge off rabiyah :) and decided to give it a shot; its pretty simple, make a list of 25 random things about yourself or of things that have contributed to you being the person that you are.

1. i smile a lot, like seriously you'd think id have to get it surgically removed. i'll usually even smile during serious situations, thats not to say i cant be serious if the situation called for it but im just generally a happy person.

2. im pretty easy to please, easily amused, easy to get along with, but iam not easy.

3. i love honey, its like my healthy alternative for sugar :)

4. but iam deathly terrified of the little things that buzz around making the stuff and will run a mile if one gets even remotely close to me :S

5. iam majorly prone to accidents, embarrassment, awkwardness - the lott.

6. i love to sing, i cannot go a day without singing, i sometimes do it subconsciously and dont realise it, until people are staring or have stopped talking.

7. i hiccup every single day, at least once.

8. i get cold really easily, my teeth can chatter for upto 3hrs straight, and nothing, not even a wolf can stop it - its no wonder im so damn skinny :S

9. i have no pride when it comes to apologizing to someone for something i did wrong or even if i dont think i am the one in the wrong - id rather apologize then let a stupid argument drag on.

10. i get high on applejuice, like seriously.

11. i need things to match all the time, i will buy a new top and wont wear it until i've found something to match. it also annoys the hell out of me when people just throw on a rainbow of colours without taking into consideration that yellow, brown, pink, maroon, grey and black dont go together whatsoever! i feel like ripping peoples clothes off when they do that, i mean what :

12. i can speak at rallies and sing infront of thousands of people but put me on a scary ride and ill piss myself.

13. i have been called cute by a four year old and countless others who are also so much younger than me -.-'

14. i love little kids, i think they are the bombdigidi, however i think as a parent i would be the biggest push over and my kids would most likely walk all over me.

15. i have 4 scars from burning myself with an iron, one being just below my bicep but before my elbow - yeh dont ask.

16. i get a lot of migraines, i dont know why, iron deficiency? or maybe its hereditary :S, either way i've learnt to live with them seeing as no medicine in this world works for me and the legendary tigerbalm has failed me on many occasions as of recently :(

17. i cant swallow pills for crap. my throat closes up, i just cant. give me soluble anyday :)

18. i bake a lot of cakes for my friends,

19. it annoys my mother,

20. she wishes id make more cakes for her.

21. i want to change the world, make some sort of difference and i will Inshallah.

22. i have a lot of friends but only very few that i call mybestfriends. I will go to the ends of the earth to see u happy if i consider u to be either one.

23. i randomly break out into a fob accent and act like im four. (not at the same time though - a four year old fob, that would be weird).

24. i hum when im nervous or when the conversation just isnt going anywhere.

25. iam physically attracted to cleean (rab will know what i mean. that rhymed aha-ha. soz lol) and the whole manly vibe, give me broad shoulders and hairy arms over shaved legs and scrauny little boy figures anyday :P.

we won that fight but lost that war.

this is too much, way too much. im not even upset about it anymore, i just feel numb, i've become so immune to this crap. guess it didnt come as a shock, i saw it coming, we all did. guess this really is it, our old life is over and chances are we'll never get it back again. we've lost everything, we fought and fought, battled it out as if our lives depended on it, because well i guess it did. nothing worked though, nothing helped, it was as if the more we climbed the higher it got and as the spot got smaller we only got bigger. there were so many attempts; failed attempts. i cant help but feel like karma has taken its shot at us, hah id like to hear someone say 'they're not on your level' now -.-. maybe this is for the better, who knows :S, ya rab. i only wish the timing was slightly more convenient - this had to all happen as im about to go into my mocks, my TEE. shit. we're basically out on our asses, how am i going to do this ? ah unoe its not really whats going to happen that bothers me, thats really gotten to me, its whats happening now, its what happened before. its how he feels, its how hard he worked, to keep us going, how hard they both worked. he knew he wouldnt be able to tackle Everest, but he tried anyway, he knew he had a fear of the water but that didnt stop him from jumping in to try and save us. unfortunately if you dont know how to swim, no matter how strong your desire to save someone you love is that doesnt change that fact and will probably result in both of you drowning.

success is a staircase, not a doorway.

"I missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.

I've lost almost 300 games.
26 times i have been trusted to take the

game winning shot and missed.
I failed over and over and over again in my life.
and that is why i succeed."

-Michael Jordan

gotta stay in and studystudystudy;

it is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important;

I did it, i got it, and i accepted it. I am settled, i am done, i am free. i feel good, content, at peace,.. finally some peace. this is good, i know it is. i need/ed this, it'll help - ill get there, inshallah. No more overthinking, no more depressed thoughts or epic day dreams that make me lose sight of where im going and what it is that im doing. i can finally breathe that long overdue sigh of relief and be done. Not saying this thing is going to be lemon squeezy, ill miss certain things sure, but its for the best and it'll get easier. i know this was dragged on and around in circles, but thankyou, iam still grateful for how it ended; maybe because i know its not the end, not really. Anyway all aside.. i've got one week till mocks and almost a month till TEE, its time to hit the books, close the curtains, lock the doors and throw away the key; its time for lockdown - study lockdown. praying i can get through my mocks and my TEE exams coming shortly inshallah and do the best i can.

wish me luck. :)

rainbow caakeee :)

omg i want to make this soo bad, looks so cool and hell yum. After i get through my exams inshallah, im going to make it, and it will be perfect :)

blah.

oh. well great, isnt this peachy, isnt this just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic. now i cant sleep - im tired, so tired but i cant sleep which makes me angry, so angry. im trying to be patient, so god damn patient, but would you hurry up and take this scalding hot tray out of my hands - took it straight outta the oven with no gloves on you know and im dying here, seriously, cue the screaming BLOODY MURDER ! you know what stuff this im letting the tray fall.., hope u like eating your cake off the dirty kitchen floor. -.-'

Grey's Anatomy;

It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up. Before we can step up."

it still hurts, because well, hurt hurts.

i dont even want to think about what happened. i dont even know what to think about what happened. i do know, however that i never, ever want it to happen again. i had never been so petrified, so scared in my entire life, the screaming, the shaking, the breaking out into cold sweat, the feeling sick to my stomach. i thought it was over, but then i could never wrap my mind around that, its just something that can never happen, i dont know what id do with myself if it did, how i could live without, i couldnt. i thought i was dreaming, i had to be dreaming i told myself, i had leapt down too many stairs that it was impossible to be standing once i landed. i ran in there as fast as i could, i was panicing, i was unstable, we all were. if the situation called for it, i couldnt be strong for my family, i knew that, it just wouldnt be in me. i thought that first aid course i took a couple of weeks back would be pretty handy right about now, but i couldnt calm myself, or focus long enough to remember anything id learnt. i stood there like a mindless idiot, knees weak, legs trembling, puke beginning to crawl up my throat. i could barely talk, and I had to make the phone calls, why, i wouldnt have a clue, they didnt care, im a child but im not stupid, i could hear it in their voices, mocking almost, dull, nonchalant, uncaring, unconcerned; hah, i dont know what i was expecting, i guess we were all expecting something, expecting them to be apologetic, be concerned and worried, be more helpful, or at least suggestively helpful, but no we got nothing, nada, zero, zilch. yet again, you've disappointed me, us, hurt us. i dont even know anymore, what to think of you all, im so torn, i've grown up looking at you a certain way my whole life and you trashed that perspective in an instant, and i dont know when or if i will ever see you the same, or feel the same towards you again.. i wish this would all just go away, wish it really was all just some nightmare that my family and I would snap out of any minute, ya rab, i hope so..

so much for family

I love my family, but if its one thing they've taught me its that money is predominantly important, that if your own blood needs help or needs a break it is not essential that you give them what they need. Imagine you're given the chance to help someone in your family, make their life a little easier, solve a problem of theirs.. Imagine you had the means and the ability to help them and didn't, completely passed off the opportunity, completely left them to be fed to the sharks. This is the poor example my family has set for me, with the exception of my dad. No matter how busy he is, no matter how hard it is, or seemingly impossible, if he can help he will and if he thinks he can't he'll still try and if he fails, you best believe he'll come up with another way and he has. To hell with the example of everyone else, that is not how i'm going to treat my family or anyone i claim to love, not now or any time in the future. I will not abandon them when they need me most, i will not say no if i can say yes, i will follow the example of the only person i think, no, the only person i know is right - my dad. Remember that material things can be broken, worn out, money can be wasted, cut into pieces, you can have a lot or you can have a little, you can run out or you can get more, but at the end of the day what the hell does all of that mean if your loved ones aren't happy, if they've had to pay the price? And what will it mean when your laying stale in your grave? You cant take your fortune with you, that will mean nothing to God, will help you none on the day of judgment, but you can take your good deeds you committed in this life. We need to be more merciful towards others, help them if we can, when we can - how can we expect Allah (swt) to show mercy towards us on the day of judgement otherwise..? I don't get it, how can a stranger show more kindness than your own blood, how can a stranger be willing to help more than your own flesh, how can someone stand by and watch their son, their brother, their daughter or their sister, their grandchild or their cousin lose everything, how can someone sit back indulging themselves, not a care in the world, while their family hurts, while they're made to go through torture..how can anyone watch them beg for mercy and not do a damn thing to help ?! I really thought that when the going got tough, your family would not be the people who got going, who'd run away the second you were in trouble, and not even because they want to save themselves, no, that i would get, that i could understand, i would not blame you for that but we're not asking you to risk anything for us or go out of your way for us; we simply need your help, simple help, you could easily help and you know it, but you wont, you refuse to, but fine, thats okay, we dont need you because we will get out of this mess, you'll see, and it would have been without any help from you. Just dont think that your 'kindness' will ever be forgotten.

eid ul-fitr 2010♥

grasping incredulity

this is torture, like tieing your tooth to a door and slamming it shut kind of torture, its frustrating, like tearing a new dress or spilling creme soda down your shirt. the waiting, the uncertainty, the loss of hope. i'm sick of this, sick of feeling like i've just been pushed into the centre of a road, blindfolded, in the middle of peak hour traffic. i dont want to rely on hope or chance, or luck, i want crystal clear, on the mark answers, expressed feelings; answers that sound almost factual, like they were reviewed by a hundred college professors ten times over. i dont even care about the outcome anymore, well thats a lie, but i'll be relieved either way, anything is better than this, i cant keep hanging around like this, dragged along like a worn out school bag, i want to know, i need to know and damn soon. its not fair that im left with these thoughts, festering, growing in my head, every single god damn day. i'm not going to allow this to procrastinate or be hauled along any longer, i'm confronting it and soon. apart of me already knows what im going to get out of this, what the answer is going to be and i know its not going to be what i want to hear but i need to hear it, so i can breathe it in and then straight back out again like the carbon dioxide it is.

Props to whoever made this (Y)

Hadith on sadaqah;

"There is a (compulsory) sadaqah (charity) to be given for every joint of the human body (as a sign of gratitude to Allah) every day the sun rises. To judge justly between two persons is regarded as sadaqah; and to help a man concerning his riding animal, by helping him to mount it or by lifting his luggage on to it, is also regarded as sadaqah; and (saying) a good word is also sadaqah; and every step taken on one's way to offer the compulsory prayer (in the mosque) is also sadaqah; and to remove a harmful thing from the way is also sadaqah."

Day 12 - Dear person i hate/caused me a lot of pain

You. Its all your fault. I've never met you and for that you're lucky, I would seriously give you a mouthful - of spit. I dont know how a Muslim could do what you did, that's just it though, a real Muslim wouldn't, could never. You've shamed the title and Islam completely. I dont forgive you, I wont forgive you, and neither will most of the members of my family, and you know I have a big family. You caused us all so much pain, i had to watch each of my family members hearts break because of you. You are the only person in the entire world i wish bad upon, not bad, i shouldn't say that, i just hope you get what you deserve Inshallah. Enjoy your freedom while you can, enjoy this life while you can, because the way your going, I'd be damn afraid to die.

inception

"You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can't be sure. But it doesn't matter - because we'll be together." 

Finally..

ohmygodd. its confirmed, its booked, its soon, its about time. I finally get to see you, i finally get to recieve that long overdue hug, you know the ones where you usually slightly suffocate me. I cant wait, i just hope i'm able to compose myself, i hope i dont cry - i know i will, but i hope i dont, for your sake. Its crazy how i can refrain from crying about almost anything except when it comes to you, when it comes to this. Its going to be so hard to finally see you there, finally see you in that awful place; once i see you there i know it'll finally hit me, it'll finally seem real and that scares me, but i dont care, i want to see you, ive missed you so much. i want to give you a massive hug, i want to see you smile again, i want to make you smile again; I hope i do.

and this is why..

If something never started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.
Sarah Dessen. - from 'The Truth About Forever'

Day 11 - Dear someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like to

Dear someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like to,

i know we talk, but it doesn't feel real, i know it happens, but its not an event, i know theres words, but theres no meaning, i know its all that we have, but its not enough. I want facial expressions, body language, i want to hear sound, feel my ear drums at work, the whole inchalada. I want to be able to use the 5 senses God gave me. I want to erase distance, I want you in front of me, beside me, accross from me, whatever, i just want you to be there, so i can have some idea of what your thinking, be able to comprehend the meaning behind certain things that you say and the feelings that come with it. I talk to you yes, but this screen is cold, lifeless, theres no presence in our conversations, it's retarded, it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel normal, i want more, but then would that even make a difference ?

cliché cliché cliché

Its all recognisable, it all sounds the same, it all sounds familiar, it all sounds, feels meaningless, ordinary, common, informal, obvious, plain; its cliche, so damn cliche. It's annoyingingly frustrating and fake. There's no heart in it, no actual feeling, no inclanation, no soul, or understanding behind the words they are writing; theres motive behind it, c l e a r a s d a y is their real objective, i'm not going to waste my time affirming that motive, exemplifying their reasons, their inspiration, No, its much too obvious and besides they are quite aware, contrare to what they may try to make us believe.

wisepotwords;

"Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it." - Albus Dumbledore

Day 10 - Dear someone i wish i could meet

Dear someone i wish i could meet,
truth is i don't wish i could meet you. I'd prefer to continue to allow you to occupy that spot in my mind where i still think highly of you. If i meet you, it gives you the opportunity, the chance to disappoint me, a chance to make my expectations fall short.
Nope, definitely don't want to meet you.

Sorry, you understand right ?

cut the crap

Um, hello Pinocchio, who is that nose trying to fool ey ?

That's because its French;

The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac? How does that work? That doesn't even sound like english :S.

I feel good for the moment, liberated in a sense, this is the first time in a while that i've felt i have some control, some say, the right to freedom of expression. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, why now though, i'm not too sure; after this constant feeling of being pulled in two directions, stretched more then my body could take, after pointless pitiful outbursts, all the internal battles, conflicting thoughts, contradictory words; its about bloody time. I still may not know what's going on, or what's going to happen, but right now i could'nt care less. What i do know, is that i have a say in this, i can make a choice, ask a favour, give an ultimatum, close myself off to people or open myself up; i don't have to be so altruistic all the time, why cant i attach some strings once in a while, i think i deserve that much, owe that much to myself. Despite the fact that i still feel like a character in a horror movie, going into a room while the audience is screaming Don't go in there!, although i know i'm probably not suppose to do this i need to, how else will i know whats in that room, how else will i embrace it, or get rid of it? The audience knows as well as i do that at the end of the movie it'll all be over, i just need to get to the end, where i will have either defeated what was in the room or of course i would have died. i hope i dont die :|

Go figure;

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.. Concentrate on this sentence; 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect.'

It's equal vs what wasn't given, teachers vs the problem children, evil vs the honest living, people vs the politicians.

Farout. What is up with the world, has the majority of people gone stark raving mad? Have people lost their minds, have we irrevocably lost all our innocence, do we have any sense of equity left?, have we forsaken every immaculate characteristic we ever had?, I mean really.. It never use to be like this; not to this extent. What is happening to us..when did the human race become so God damn retarded ?! When did it all start, how did it all start, when did the insane and deranged become so normal, so common, so prevalent.. what has the world come to when a 9 year old kid drops acid on a random mother and her two babies walking under a bridge for fun ?!, what has the world come to when mothers are murdering their babies by the dozens because they don't want to deal with the stress anymore, what has it come to when the most respected religious figure heads, commit sins too ill befitting to even speak about, what has it come to when what seems to be the most innocent, child friendly organisations, turn out to be nothing but a plague of subliminal messages, slowly brainwashing our children..? What happened to self respect? What happened to self worth? Prestige, dignity, pride, chastity? shame? What happened to our ability to sympathise and empathise with others? Do people not care about anyone but themselves anymore? Is this really what its all come down to? We are in desperate need of Change. and it's so scary, because if this is how bad its gotten, how bad it is, then how bad can it, will it continue to get? What will we find is in store for us 10 years down the track, or even 5? The day of judgment is obviously close; There isn't time to muck around; Allah help those who need it, forgive those who seek it, guide us because we are so incredibly weak, strengthen us in our Imaan and don't allow our Noor to flounder ya Rab. Ameen.

Get lost!.. please.

..and so, i've finally realised that i can't talk my self out of feeling or being a certain way. I can't convince myself that it's not important, that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't bother me; who was i trying to fool :S. I just want this to go away, drown at the bottom of an ocean somewhere, fly into the bermuda triangle and get lost there, cease to exist, become a figment of my imagination, something, anything; just Get Gone.

A Beautiful Hadeeth :)

Khalid ibn al Wald (Radi Allahu Ta'ala anhu) narrated the following hadith:
A Bedouin came one day to the Holy Prophet (sallallahu 'alahi wasallam) and said to him, 'O, Messenger of Allah! I've come to ask you a few questions about the affairs of this Life and the Hereafter.'

- 'Ask what you wish' said Rasulullah (sallallahu 'alahi wasallam).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: I'd like to be the most learned of men.
A: Fear Allah, and you will be the most learned of men.
Q: I wish to be the richest man in the world.
A: Be contented, and you will be the richest man in the world.
Q: I'd like to be the most just man.
A: Desire for others what you desire for yourself, and you will be the most just of men.
Q: I want to be the best of men.
A: Do good to others and you will be the best of men.
Q: I wish to be the most favored by Allah.
A: Engage much in Allah's praise, and you will be most favored by Him.
Q: I'd like to complete my faith.
A: If you have good manners you will complete your faith
Q: I wish to be among those who do good.
A: Adore Allah as if you see Him. If you don 't see Him, He seeth you. In this way you will be among those who do good.
Q: I wish to be obedient to Allah.
A: If you observe Allah's commands you will be obedient.
Q: I'd like to be free from all sins.
A: Bathe yourself from impurities and you will be free from all sins.
Q: I'd like to be raised on the Day of Judgement in the light.
A: Don't wrong yourself or any other creature, and you will be raised on the Day of Judgement in the light.
Q: I'd like Allah to bestow His mercy on me.
A: If you have mercy on yourself and others, Allah will grant you mercy on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like my sins to be very few.
A: If you seek the forgiveness of Allah as much as you can, your sins will be very few.
Q: I'd like to be the most honorable man.
A: If you do not complain to any fellow creature, you will be the most honorable of men.
Q: I'd like to be the strongest of men.
A: If you put your trust in Allah, you will be the strongest of men.
Q: I'd like to enlarge my provision.
A: If you keep yourself pure, Allah will enlarge your provision.
Q: I'd like to be loved by Allah and His messenger.
A: If you love what Allah and His messenger love, you will be among their beloved ones.
Q: I wish to be safe from Allah's wrath on the Day of Judgement.
A: If you do not loose your temper with any of your fellow creatures, you will be safe from the wrath of Allah on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like my prayers to be responded.
A: If you avoid forbidden actions, your prayers will be responded.
Q: I'd like Allah not to disgrace me on the Day of Judgement.
A: If you guard your chastity, Allah will not disgrace you on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like Allah to provide me with a protective covering on the Day of Judgement.
A: Do not uncover your fellow creatures faults, and Allah will provide you with a covering protection on the Day of Judgement.
Q: What will save me from sins?
A: Tears, humility and illness.
Q: What are the best deeds in the eyes of Allah?
A: Gentle manners, modesty and patience.
Q: What are the worst evils in the eyes of Allah?
A: Hot temper and miserliness.
Q: What assuages the wrath of Allah in this life and in the Hereafter?
A: Concealed charity and kindness to relatives.
Q: What extinguishes hell's fires on the Day of Judgement?
A: Patience in adversity and misfortunes.
Related by Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (Rahmatullah Ta'ala 'alaih)

Dua; After Rukuu :)

Rabbana wa lakal hamd,
"Our Lord, praide is for You only
Hamdan katheeran taiyiban mubarakan fihi
Praises plentiful and blessings
mil'as-samawaati wa mil-alardi
As to fill the heavens, the earth,
wa mil'a ma baynahuma
What is in between,
wa mil'a ma shi'ta min shia baad."
And fill that which will please You besides them.

Dua at Sujood;

Allahumma innaka 'afuwun,

O Allah, You are The Pardoner,

Tuhibul 'afwa,

You love Pardoning,

Fa 'fu anna!"

So pardon us!"

Benefits;

• Whiping off all sins
  
• The pleasure of Allah
  
• All that we are dreaming of will be accepted by Allah if it is good for us.
  

Your pardon Ya Allah - (Afwak Ya Rab)
Your Pleasure Ya Allah - (Redaka Ya Rab)

Your Acceptance Ya Allah (Koboluk Ya Rab)

Allaahumma inni asa'aluka khaira hathalyawm wa khaira maa feeh wa khaira maa ba'adah

Wa 'authu bika min sharrihi wa sharri maa feeh

wa sharri maa ba'adih.

O Allah I ask you the best of the day and the best of what it has and the best of the day after,

and I seek refuge with you from the worst of the day and the worst it has and the worst of the day after.

Allahumma laa sahla illaa maa ja'altahu sahlaa wa anta taja'alu alhazna ithaa shi'ata sahlaa

O Allah there is nothing easy except what you make easy and it's you alone who can make the difficult easy.

:) Hadeeth;

On the authority of Abdallah bin Abbas, who said: One day I was behind the Prophet (saw) and he said to me:

"Young man, shall I teach you some words [of advice]: "Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him infront of you. Get to know Allah in prosperity (in days of ease) and He will know you in adversity (days of distress). Know that what missed you could not have hit you; and what hit you could not have missed you.

Know that victory comes with patience, relief follows distress, and ease follows hardship."

I think it's time; I think I've finally snapped back into reality, into realisation, I know what it's like and I'm pretty sure I know how it's going to turn out, or rather how it's not going to turn out. Pretty sure is good enough for me, I guess that was the hard part, or is it what comes next that's going to be the most difficult? I'm not quite sure at this point, guess I'll just have to stick it out till I'm where I want to be again, want, kind of being the operative word here, I think need would be more appropriate;
Ya Rab please make this easy for me*.

Day 9 - Dear Haji (person I miss the most & that is going through the worst of times)

I know I've skipped ahead, but I really wanted to write him and I'm actually going to send this letter, as it is, to him Inshallah..Here goes..

Assalamualaikum Haji,

I don't quite know where to start or what to say, except that, I miss you terribly. Every little thing reminds me of you, you may not be with us at school but I feel your presence everywhere; when we read Al-fatiha with it's meaning in assembly, when I hear a child whispering "Allahumma inaka aafuwun tuhibul af fa'fu ana" 3 times beside me in prayer, when I look at every single student and think where would they be if Allah (SWT), Most Merciful as He is hadn't sent such a blessing, that was you down to us; where would these Muslim girls have found the courage to wear the hijab, where would these Muslim brothers & sisters have found life long friends that truly feel like family, friends that want the best for you, not friends that would talk you into or make you go towards haram..

I know it's hard where you are, and I wish every second of the day that I could take your place, if I could, I would in a heart beat and believe me I'm just one of thousands who wish the same; but I hope that in all your hardship and through all the distress that has been inflicted upon you, you know just how much you did, for so many and how appreciated it all was. When I'm in the car with my tasbeh' in hand, saying each zikr you taught me, 100 times each, I think of you and pray that Allah Ta' Alla doubles your rewards over and over for every letter I recite, I pray that for every letter a child learnt of the Qur'an because of you, for every paper you gave us with Duas and ways that could only make our lives easier, I have each and every one you've ever given me by the way, I have quite the collection, and you don't know how much that means and how much it's helped me and countless others, through even the toughest of times.

It's hard, knowing your there, but I know in my heart, I'm certain, that Allah put you there for a reason, if not to compensate for your bad deeds in this life, so that you could enter Jannah straight away on the day of judgment then it was for some other greater purpose, all I know is that it's for a reason, that Allah Himself knows. You are amazing Haji, the most kind-hearted, most selfless, caring, wise, righteous, compassionate, considerate, tolerant, understanding, sympathetic, generous, pious, unselfish person I have met in my life so far and probably will ever meet. You truly are My Role Model.

I also want to say Ramadan Mubarak and that your in my prayers every day as you are in many others as well. May Allah make it easy for you Always, and make the time pass quickly Inshallah. We can't wait till your back with us again Inshallah, the school and home just isn't the same without you, you where Always the glue that held us all together, you were the foundation. I miss your wednesday talks and when you'd talk to us after Magrib prayer. I miss your big strong hugs and how after hugging you we'd always smell just a little like you. I miss how you would never be seen without your prayer cap and your unique laugh. I miss how you would always talk to me in arabic, and I'd try to respond as best I could even if I didn't completely understand. I miss how enthusiastic you were and how incredible the amount of Imaan you have is. I miss so much, about you Haji, and again I'm definately just one of many. I really hope that your okay and that I can see you soon, Inshallah.

I love you Haji, so much. Your never forgotten in my prayers.
May Allah protect you and guide you always.

Love,
Hannah.xo

:)

Here are some ways to increase your good deeds this month of Ramdan & after :) And Remember every good deed you do in Ramadan is multiplied 70xs ! So make use of this blessed month Inshallah. :)

Astagfirullah (seeking forgiveness from Allah (swt)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Problems solved and income increased for that day.

Subhanallah (Glory be to Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: 1000 rewards written in your deeds for that day.

Subhanallahi wa be hum de (Glory be to Allah and praises to Him)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Removes 100 of your sins.

Subhanallahi wa be hum de subhanallahil azzem

(Glory be to Allah and praises to Him and praises to Allah the Great)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Easy on the tongue, loved by God and heavy in weight (value), increasing the weight of your good deeds on the Day of Judgment.

La illaha illallah (There is none worthy of worship except Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Renewal of Iman.

Alhamdullilah (Praise be to Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Increase the weight of your good deeds.

La illaha illallah wahda hoo la sharika lahool moolk walahol hamd wahoowa alla koolee shay in kadir (None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, alone without association, to Him belongs sovereinty and praise and He is over all things wholly capable.)
100 times a day;
Benefit:

• Reward of freeing 10 slaves-equivalent of $20,000 in charity
  
• 100 blessings
  
• 100 sins forgiven


• Shaytan stays away from the person on that day


• The only one who can be better than this person in the sight of God is someone who has recited this more than He/she.

La howla wala koowa ta illa billah (There is no power or might except with Allah)

100 times a day;

Benefit: One door of Paradise is opened.

Hasbona allaho wa nea mal wakeel (For us Allah suffieceth, and He is the best disposer of affairs'.)

100 times a day;

Benefit: For protection from all forms of fear.

Allah humma salley alla sayidina Muhammad

100 times a day;

Benefit: In asking mercy for the Prophet Muhammad (saw), Allah SWT rewards us with 10 mercies.

May Allah have mercy on us all & may He forgive us for any past wrong doings and allow us to start fresh this Ramadan. Ameen.

Ramadan Kareem ! Just a short note :)

Salamz Everyone ! :)

Ramadan Kareem! I'll be posting up some beautiful Duas, stories and ways you can increase your good deeds and such throughout Ramadan on my page

Inshallah, hope you guys can utilise them :)

May we all get the most out of this Ramadan.

Ameen.

Happy 17th iGaGa :)

May all your wishes come true;

&& May you have many Birthdays to come Inshallah :)

Hope You had an awesome Day!

LoveYou!xo.

Spot the difference :)

Still a HappyChappy :)

This is definite, like the sun will rise, pure like the thought if I jump I'll fly..

I'm over it. So over it. I'm done. I hate being put into situations where I'm forced to feel unlike myself. I'm an optimistic person, full of hope, energy and a smile that's permanently plastered on my face; I'm not about to lose that, not for anything or anyone. I know sometimes you really can't choose how you feel about certain things, but I'm going too. I'm gonna smile and be happy because there's reason to be; even if its just one reason, I'm holding on to it. I'm not gonna continue to dwell on the past, or anything unfortunate that comes my way, I may not like it when it comes, I may despise it even, but only for a second; I promise, only for a second. There's no use fighting with people, no use hating on others, or getting jealous about insignificant things. If you get into a fight, do you feel better afterwards? No. If your hating on someone and the mere mention of their name or slightest glance at their face makes your stomach churn and you spend time backbiting about them or trying to convince people how retarded they 'really are'; Are you really achieving anything? Does that really make you feel better, can you really convince yourself that your energy isn't feeling depleted because of such meaningless hate? Does getting jealous change the fact that whatever your getting jealous about is happening? Does it make it disappear? No. There's simply no use. If we get into an argument why can't we be the bigger person and apologize first, even if we don't think it was our fault, it's the right thing to do and though it might be hard you will feel better afterwards and in the long run. Why hate someone even, why backbite, that's not going to change them, it's not going to hurt them and its not going to give you any satisfaction whatsoever. I'm not saying its easy to overlook things, to be the bigger person or whatever, but it's pretty damn hard the other way, so why not make it a bit easier, and make decisions that will in turn please God; because He can make it easier. If you want to be happy then you can choose to be, it really is that simple. If you let Allah deal with things rather than getting upset about them and just say Alhamdullilah to whatever comes your way, then nothing can stop you. Nothing will stop you.

Things to do this weekend;

so; heres the LIST :)

- Finish Physed assignment
- Finish History assignment (letters & rationales)
- Do Physed work sheet thingi (half finished)
- Buy 'A Handmaids Tale' & start reading it
- Write letter to curriculum council
- Buy something for Nelson's birthday
- Get organised; make a calendar/study timetable

I Miss You Retard; So Much.

You live a bloody 20 minute walk away from my house & I barely ever get to see you :(

Quit your job :P

it's been way too long; and I miss my bestfriend.

So simple; but then, not really.

The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. ~Theodore Rubin.