we won that fight but lost that war.

this is too much, way too much. im not even upset about it anymore, i just feel numb, i've become so immune to this crap. guess it didnt come as a shock, i saw it coming, we all did. guess this really is it, our old life is over and chances are we'll never get it back again. we've lost everything, we fought and fought, battled it out as if our lives depended on it, because well i guess it did. nothing worked though, nothing helped, it was as if the more we climbed the higher it got and as the spot got smaller we only got bigger. there were so many attempts; failed attempts. i cant help but feel like karma has taken its shot at us, hah id like to hear someone say 'they're not on your level' now -.-. maybe this is for the better, who knows :S, ya rab. i only wish the timing was slightly more convenient - this had to all happen as im about to go into my mocks, my TEE. shit. we're basically out on our asses, how am i going to do this ? ah unoe its not really whats going to happen that bothers me, thats really gotten to me, its whats happening now, its what happened before. its how he feels, its how hard he worked, to keep us going, how hard they both worked. he knew he wouldnt be able to tackle Everest, but he tried anyway, he knew he had a fear of the water but that didnt stop him from jumping in to try and save us. unfortunately if you dont know how to swim, no matter how strong your desire to save someone you love is that doesnt change that fact and will probably result in both of you drowning.