if your going through hell, keep going.

i want to curse, scream and shout, throw punches right smack in the faces of some people, but i wont, i cant. i could fight, seek revenge, but i know thats not me, i know its shaytan talking, whispering in my ear trying to get to me, trying to make me feel hate, anger..i dont want to feel that way though, i wont if i can help it - ill rise above all of that inshallah - ill take the highroad. i dont know what peoples reasons are but maybe it is too drastic to say that no one gives a crap. Although most of the things i've heard throughout my life feel like empty words at the moment id like to believe no one in my family would wish bad upon us or want us to suffer. i want to stay positive about everything, i dont want to get down, i cant afford that right now, not when my mocks are here and my tee are just around the corner. its been hard, its been the worst its ever been, but its still better than most, i have to remember that. i am still thankful that everyone in my family has their health; that my dad is okay, that we are coping. i think we're coping. i know i have to stick this out and be patient, i have faith that if i do that things will eventually fall into place again. Allah (swt) will get us through this, we just need to leave it in His hands, trust in Him, have patience and sit back and wait for this crazy ride to be over because i know that even if i come off shaking, i'll be standing on my own two feet again, walking away from the ride, with just a memory.