Simply Effervescent.

I feel good for the moment, liberated in a sense, this is the first time in a while that i've felt i have some control, some say, the right to freedom of expression. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, why now though, i'm not too sure; after this constant feeling of being pulled in two directions, stretched more then my body could take, after pointless pitiful outbursts, all the internal battles, conflicting thoughts, contradictory words; its about bloody time. I still may not know what's going on, or what's going to happen, but right now i could'nt care less. What i do know, is that i have a say in this, i can make a choice, ask a favour, give an ultimatum, close myself off to people or open myself up; i don't have to be so altruistic all the time, why cant i attach some strings once in a while, i think i deserve that much, owe that much to myself. Despite the fact that i still feel like a character in a horror movie, going into a room while the audience is screaming Don't go in there!, although i know i'm probably not suppose to do this i need to, how else will i know whats in that room, how else will i embrace it, or get rid of it? The audience knows as well as i do that at the end of the movie it'll all be over, i just need to get to the end, where i will have either defeated what was in the room or of course i would have died. i hope i dont die :|