Day 11 - Dear someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like to

Dear someone i don't talk to as much as i'd like to,

i know we talk, but it doesn't feel real, i know it happens, but its not an event, i know theres words, but theres no meaning, i know its all that we have, but its not enough. I want facial expressions, body language, i want to hear sound, feel my ear drums at work, the whole inchalada. I want to be able to use the 5 senses God gave me. I want to erase distance, I want you in front of me, beside me, accross from me, whatever, i just want you to be there, so i can have some idea of what your thinking, be able to comprehend the meaning behind certain things that you say and the feelings that come with it. I talk to you yes, but this screen is cold, lifeless, theres no presence in our conversations, it's retarded, it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel normal, i want more, but then would that even make a difference ?

cliché cliché cliché

Its all recognisable, it all sounds the same, it all sounds familiar, it all sounds, feels meaningless, ordinary, common, informal, obvious, plain; its cliche, so damn cliche. It's annoyingingly frustrating and fake. There's no heart in it, no actual feeling, no inclanation, no soul, or understanding behind the words they are writing; theres motive behind it, c l e a r a s d a y is their real objective, i'm not going to waste my time affirming that motive, exemplifying their reasons, their inspiration, No, its much too obvious and besides they are quite aware, contrare to what they may try to make us believe.

wisepotwords;

"Numbing the pain for a while will only make it worse when you finally feel it." - Albus Dumbledore

Day 10 - Dear someone i wish i could meet

Dear someone i wish i could meet,
truth is i don't wish i could meet you. I'd prefer to continue to allow you to occupy that spot in my mind where i still think highly of you. If i meet you, it gives you the opportunity, the chance to disappoint me, a chance to make my expectations fall short.
Nope, definitely don't want to meet you.

Sorry, you understand right ?

cut the crap

Um, hello Pinocchio, who is that nose trying to fool ey ?

That's because its French;

The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac? How does that work? That doesn't even sound like english :S.

I feel good for the moment, liberated in a sense, this is the first time in a while that i've felt i have some control, some say, the right to freedom of expression. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, why now though, i'm not too sure; after this constant feeling of being pulled in two directions, stretched more then my body could take, after pointless pitiful outbursts, all the internal battles, conflicting thoughts, contradictory words; its about bloody time. I still may not know what's going on, or what's going to happen, but right now i could'nt care less. What i do know, is that i have a say in this, i can make a choice, ask a favour, give an ultimatum, close myself off to people or open myself up; i don't have to be so altruistic all the time, why cant i attach some strings once in a while, i think i deserve that much, owe that much to myself. Despite the fact that i still feel like a character in a horror movie, going into a room while the audience is screaming Don't go in there!, although i know i'm probably not suppose to do this i need to, how else will i know whats in that room, how else will i embrace it, or get rid of it? The audience knows as well as i do that at the end of the movie it'll all be over, i just need to get to the end, where i will have either defeated what was in the room or of course i would have died. i hope i dont die :|

Go figure;

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.. Concentrate on this sentence; 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect.'

It's equal vs what wasn't given, teachers vs the problem children, evil vs the honest living, people vs the politicians.

Farout. What is up with the world, has the majority of people gone stark raving mad? Have people lost their minds, have we irrevocably lost all our innocence, do we have any sense of equity left?, have we forsaken every immaculate characteristic we ever had?, I mean really.. It never use to be like this; not to this extent. What is happening to us..when did the human race become so God damn retarded ?! When did it all start, how did it all start, when did the insane and deranged become so normal, so common, so prevalent.. what has the world come to when a 9 year old kid drops acid on a random mother and her two babies walking under a bridge for fun ?!, what has the world come to when mothers are murdering their babies by the dozens because they don't want to deal with the stress anymore, what has it come to when the most respected religious figure heads, commit sins too ill befitting to even speak about, what has it come to when what seems to be the most innocent, child friendly organisations, turn out to be nothing but a plague of subliminal messages, slowly brainwashing our children..? What happened to self respect? What happened to self worth? Prestige, dignity, pride, chastity? shame? What happened to our ability to sympathise and empathise with others? Do people not care about anyone but themselves anymore? Is this really what its all come down to? We are in desperate need of Change. and it's so scary, because if this is how bad its gotten, how bad it is, then how bad can it, will it continue to get? What will we find is in store for us 10 years down the track, or even 5? The day of judgment is obviously close; There isn't time to muck around; Allah help those who need it, forgive those who seek it, guide us because we are so incredibly weak, strengthen us in our Imaan and don't allow our Noor to flounder ya Rab. Ameen.

Get lost!.. please.

..and so, i've finally realised that i can't talk my self out of feeling or being a certain way. I can't convince myself that it's not important, that it doesn't matter, that it doesn't bother me; who was i trying to fool :S. I just want this to go away, drown at the bottom of an ocean somewhere, fly into the bermuda triangle and get lost there, cease to exist, become a figment of my imagination, something, anything; just Get Gone.

A Beautiful Hadeeth :)

Khalid ibn al Wald (Radi Allahu Ta'ala anhu) narrated the following hadith:
A Bedouin came one day to the Holy Prophet (sallallahu 'alahi wasallam) and said to him, 'O, Messenger of Allah! I've come to ask you a few questions about the affairs of this Life and the Hereafter.'

- 'Ask what you wish' said Rasulullah (sallallahu 'alahi wasallam).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: I'd like to be the most learned of men.
A: Fear Allah, and you will be the most learned of men.
Q: I wish to be the richest man in the world.
A: Be contented, and you will be the richest man in the world.
Q: I'd like to be the most just man.
A: Desire for others what you desire for yourself, and you will be the most just of men.
Q: I want to be the best of men.
A: Do good to others and you will be the best of men.
Q: I wish to be the most favored by Allah.
A: Engage much in Allah's praise, and you will be most favored by Him.
Q: I'd like to complete my faith.
A: If you have good manners you will complete your faith
Q: I wish to be among those who do good.
A: Adore Allah as if you see Him. If you don 't see Him, He seeth you. In this way you will be among those who do good.
Q: I wish to be obedient to Allah.
A: If you observe Allah's commands you will be obedient.
Q: I'd like to be free from all sins.
A: Bathe yourself from impurities and you will be free from all sins.
Q: I'd like to be raised on the Day of Judgement in the light.
A: Don't wrong yourself or any other creature, and you will be raised on the Day of Judgement in the light.
Q: I'd like Allah to bestow His mercy on me.
A: If you have mercy on yourself and others, Allah will grant you mercy on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like my sins to be very few.
A: If you seek the forgiveness of Allah as much as you can, your sins will be very few.
Q: I'd like to be the most honorable man.
A: If you do not complain to any fellow creature, you will be the most honorable of men.
Q: I'd like to be the strongest of men.
A: If you put your trust in Allah, you will be the strongest of men.
Q: I'd like to enlarge my provision.
A: If you keep yourself pure, Allah will enlarge your provision.
Q: I'd like to be loved by Allah and His messenger.
A: If you love what Allah and His messenger love, you will be among their beloved ones.
Q: I wish to be safe from Allah's wrath on the Day of Judgement.
A: If you do not loose your temper with any of your fellow creatures, you will be safe from the wrath of Allah on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like my prayers to be responded.
A: If you avoid forbidden actions, your prayers will be responded.
Q: I'd like Allah not to disgrace me on the Day of Judgement.
A: If you guard your chastity, Allah will not disgrace you on the Day of Judgement.
Q: I'd like Allah to provide me with a protective covering on the Day of Judgement.
A: Do not uncover your fellow creatures faults, and Allah will provide you with a covering protection on the Day of Judgement.
Q: What will save me from sins?
A: Tears, humility and illness.
Q: What are the best deeds in the eyes of Allah?
A: Gentle manners, modesty and patience.
Q: What are the worst evils in the eyes of Allah?
A: Hot temper and miserliness.
Q: What assuages the wrath of Allah in this life and in the Hereafter?
A: Concealed charity and kindness to relatives.
Q: What extinguishes hell's fires on the Day of Judgement?
A: Patience in adversity and misfortunes.
Related by Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (Rahmatullah Ta'ala 'alaih)

Dua; After Rukuu :)

Rabbana wa lakal hamd,
"Our Lord, praide is for You only
Hamdan katheeran taiyiban mubarakan fihi
Praises plentiful and blessings
mil'as-samawaati wa mil-alardi
As to fill the heavens, the earth,
wa mil'a ma baynahuma
What is in between,
wa mil'a ma shi'ta min shia baad."
And fill that which will please You besides them.

Dua at Sujood;

Allahumma innaka 'afuwun,

O Allah, You are The Pardoner,

Tuhibul 'afwa,

You love Pardoning,

Fa 'fu anna!"

So pardon us!"

Benefits;

• Whiping off all sins
  
• The pleasure of Allah
  
• All that we are dreaming of will be accepted by Allah if it is good for us.
  

Your pardon Ya Allah - (Afwak Ya Rab)
Your Pleasure Ya Allah - (Redaka Ya Rab)

Your Acceptance Ya Allah (Koboluk Ya Rab)

Allaahumma inni asa'aluka khaira hathalyawm wa khaira maa feeh wa khaira maa ba'adah

Wa 'authu bika min sharrihi wa sharri maa feeh

wa sharri maa ba'adih.

O Allah I ask you the best of the day and the best of what it has and the best of the day after,

and I seek refuge with you from the worst of the day and the worst it has and the worst of the day after.

Allahumma laa sahla illaa maa ja'altahu sahlaa wa anta taja'alu alhazna ithaa shi'ata sahlaa

O Allah there is nothing easy except what you make easy and it's you alone who can make the difficult easy.

:) Hadeeth;

On the authority of Abdallah bin Abbas, who said: One day I was behind the Prophet (saw) and he said to me:

"Young man, shall I teach you some words [of advice]: "Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him infront of you. Get to know Allah in prosperity (in days of ease) and He will know you in adversity (days of distress). Know that what missed you could not have hit you; and what hit you could not have missed you.

Know that victory comes with patience, relief follows distress, and ease follows hardship."

I think it's time; I think I've finally snapped back into reality, into realisation, I know what it's like and I'm pretty sure I know how it's going to turn out, or rather how it's not going to turn out. Pretty sure is good enough for me, I guess that was the hard part, or is it what comes next that's going to be the most difficult? I'm not quite sure at this point, guess I'll just have to stick it out till I'm where I want to be again, want, kind of being the operative word here, I think need would be more appropriate;
Ya Rab please make this easy for me*.

Day 9 - Dear Haji (person I miss the most & that is going through the worst of times)

I know I've skipped ahead, but I really wanted to write him and I'm actually going to send this letter, as it is, to him Inshallah..Here goes..

Assalamualaikum Haji,

I don't quite know where to start or what to say, except that, I miss you terribly. Every little thing reminds me of you, you may not be with us at school but I feel your presence everywhere; when we read Al-fatiha with it's meaning in assembly, when I hear a child whispering "Allahumma inaka aafuwun tuhibul af fa'fu ana" 3 times beside me in prayer, when I look at every single student and think where would they be if Allah (SWT), Most Merciful as He is hadn't sent such a blessing, that was you down to us; where would these Muslim girls have found the courage to wear the hijab, where would these Muslim brothers & sisters have found life long friends that truly feel like family, friends that want the best for you, not friends that would talk you into or make you go towards haram..

I know it's hard where you are, and I wish every second of the day that I could take your place, if I could, I would in a heart beat and believe me I'm just one of thousands who wish the same; but I hope that in all your hardship and through all the distress that has been inflicted upon you, you know just how much you did, for so many and how appreciated it all was. When I'm in the car with my tasbeh' in hand, saying each zikr you taught me, 100 times each, I think of you and pray that Allah Ta' Alla doubles your rewards over and over for every letter I recite, I pray that for every letter a child learnt of the Qur'an because of you, for every paper you gave us with Duas and ways that could only make our lives easier, I have each and every one you've ever given me by the way, I have quite the collection, and you don't know how much that means and how much it's helped me and countless others, through even the toughest of times.

It's hard, knowing your there, but I know in my heart, I'm certain, that Allah put you there for a reason, if not to compensate for your bad deeds in this life, so that you could enter Jannah straight away on the day of judgment then it was for some other greater purpose, all I know is that it's for a reason, that Allah Himself knows. You are amazing Haji, the most kind-hearted, most selfless, caring, wise, righteous, compassionate, considerate, tolerant, understanding, sympathetic, generous, pious, unselfish person I have met in my life so far and probably will ever meet. You truly are My Role Model.

I also want to say Ramadan Mubarak and that your in my prayers every day as you are in many others as well. May Allah make it easy for you Always, and make the time pass quickly Inshallah. We can't wait till your back with us again Inshallah, the school and home just isn't the same without you, you where Always the glue that held us all together, you were the foundation. I miss your wednesday talks and when you'd talk to us after Magrib prayer. I miss your big strong hugs and how after hugging you we'd always smell just a little like you. I miss how you would never be seen without your prayer cap and your unique laugh. I miss how you would always talk to me in arabic, and I'd try to respond as best I could even if I didn't completely understand. I miss how enthusiastic you were and how incredible the amount of Imaan you have is. I miss so much, about you Haji, and again I'm definately just one of many. I really hope that your okay and that I can see you soon, Inshallah.

I love you Haji, so much. Your never forgotten in my prayers.
May Allah protect you and guide you always.

Love,
Hannah.xo

:)

Here are some ways to increase your good deeds this month of Ramdan & after :) And Remember every good deed you do in Ramadan is multiplied 70xs ! So make use of this blessed month Inshallah. :)

Astagfirullah (seeking forgiveness from Allah (swt)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Problems solved and income increased for that day.

Subhanallah (Glory be to Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: 1000 rewards written in your deeds for that day.

Subhanallahi wa be hum de (Glory be to Allah and praises to Him)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Removes 100 of your sins.

Subhanallahi wa be hum de subhanallahil azzem

(Glory be to Allah and praises to Him and praises to Allah the Great)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Easy on the tongue, loved by God and heavy in weight (value), increasing the weight of your good deeds on the Day of Judgment.

La illaha illallah (There is none worthy of worship except Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Renewal of Iman.

Alhamdullilah (Praise be to Allah)
100 times a day;
Benefit: Increase the weight of your good deeds.

La illaha illallah wahda hoo la sharika lahool moolk walahol hamd wahoowa alla koolee shay in kadir (None has the right to be worshipped except Allah, alone without association, to Him belongs sovereinty and praise and He is over all things wholly capable.)
100 times a day;
Benefit:

• Reward of freeing 10 slaves-equivalent of $20,000 in charity
  
• 100 blessings
  
• 100 sins forgiven


• Shaytan stays away from the person on that day


• The only one who can be better than this person in the sight of God is someone who has recited this more than He/she.

La howla wala koowa ta illa billah (There is no power or might except with Allah)

100 times a day;

Benefit: One door of Paradise is opened.

Hasbona allaho wa nea mal wakeel (For us Allah suffieceth, and He is the best disposer of affairs'.)

100 times a day;

Benefit: For protection from all forms of fear.

Allah humma salley alla sayidina Muhammad

100 times a day;

Benefit: In asking mercy for the Prophet Muhammad (saw), Allah SWT rewards us with 10 mercies.

May Allah have mercy on us all & may He forgive us for any past wrong doings and allow us to start fresh this Ramadan. Ameen.

Ramadan Kareem ! Just a short note :)

Salamz Everyone ! :)

Ramadan Kareem! I'll be posting up some beautiful Duas, stories and ways you can increase your good deeds and such throughout Ramadan on my page

Inshallah, hope you guys can utilise them :)

May we all get the most out of this Ramadan.

Ameen.

Happy 17th iGaGa :)

May all your wishes come true;

&& May you have many Birthdays to come Inshallah :)

Hope You had an awesome Day!

LoveYou!xo.

Spot the difference :)

Still a HappyChappy :)

This is definite, like the sun will rise, pure like the thought if I jump I'll fly..

I'm over it. So over it. I'm done. I hate being put into situations where I'm forced to feel unlike myself. I'm an optimistic person, full of hope, energy and a smile that's permanently plastered on my face; I'm not about to lose that, not for anything or anyone. I know sometimes you really can't choose how you feel about certain things, but I'm going too. I'm gonna smile and be happy because there's reason to be; even if its just one reason, I'm holding on to it. I'm not gonna continue to dwell on the past, or anything unfortunate that comes my way, I may not like it when it comes, I may despise it even, but only for a second; I promise, only for a second. There's no use fighting with people, no use hating on others, or getting jealous about insignificant things. If you get into a fight, do you feel better afterwards? No. If your hating on someone and the mere mention of their name or slightest glance at their face makes your stomach churn and you spend time backbiting about them or trying to convince people how retarded they 'really are'; Are you really achieving anything? Does that really make you feel better, can you really convince yourself that your energy isn't feeling depleted because of such meaningless hate? Does getting jealous change the fact that whatever your getting jealous about is happening? Does it make it disappear? No. There's simply no use. If we get into an argument why can't we be the bigger person and apologize first, even if we don't think it was our fault, it's the right thing to do and though it might be hard you will feel better afterwards and in the long run. Why hate someone even, why backbite, that's not going to change them, it's not going to hurt them and its not going to give you any satisfaction whatsoever. I'm not saying its easy to overlook things, to be the bigger person or whatever, but it's pretty damn hard the other way, so why not make it a bit easier, and make decisions that will in turn please God; because He can make it easier. If you want to be happy then you can choose to be, it really is that simple. If you let Allah deal with things rather than getting upset about them and just say Alhamdullilah to whatever comes your way, then nothing can stop you. Nothing will stop you.

Things to do this weekend;

so; heres the LIST :)

- Finish Physed assignment
- Finish History assignment (letters & rationales)
- Do Physed work sheet thingi (half finished)
- Buy 'A Handmaids Tale' & start reading it
- Write letter to curriculum council
- Buy something for Nelson's birthday
- Get organised; make a calendar/study timetable

I Miss You Retard; So Much.

You live a bloody 20 minute walk away from my house & I barely ever get to see you :(

Quit your job :P

it's been way too long; and I miss my bestfriend.

So simple; but then, not really.

The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem. ~Theodore Rubin.

Just the way you are :)

Messed it up, but whatever, it's an awesome song :)

With hands held high into the sky so blue, the ocean opens up to swallow you.

Ahh mann, I'm not angry, really. I'm simply worried about you. You've come so far and I just don't want to see you take 10 steps back instead of forward. I don't want you to be afraid of me :S or afraid of disapointing me, at the end of the day we're gonna deal with whatever you did together, because your My Friend, you just need to be upfront with me from the beginning. Your a good person, you have values, you have respect, you just need to harness that. It doesnt matter what you did, because that's past tense, its over, it happened, but you can learn from it, and I know you will, I have so much faith in you, but again I know we make mistakes, so stop thinking that my faith in you is going to flounder just because I care. I know I told you, made you promise me in the first place, but it's okay, maybe you needed to go through what you did to see that all of it really isn't worth it, maybe that was the only way you could see clearly again. You'll be okay man, you'll get through whatever it is that your going through, we will, I wont leave you, I promise; we're in this together*.