Simply Effervescent.

i've been having a lot of One on One with God recently. i haven't cried during a prayer for a really, really long time and i had only ever done it a couple of times before. it wasn't because i was upset or anything though, it was because i couldn't believe that after everything i've been through and all the things i've done, here i was on my knees in sujood, because He's chosen to stay by me and guide me. i've been so blessed to be given everything i have and i feel like i can't repent enough to show Him how sorry i am to ever misuse the advantages i have or to ever unintentionally be ungrateful to Him for them.

i've realised i am at a point in my life where i need to start building myself, or "finding myself". i want these next couple of years to be me doing just that with Allah swt in my heart and mind guiding me the entire time. i don't want any type of person to affect my decisions for now or the future, not even the most beloved people to me.

the world is twice as big and beautiful as it is small and shallow and i want to get as much as i can out of it as possible, to experience all the good it has to offer as well as its bad (if Allah wills it for me i can only gain something from it inshallah). to take deep breaths of realization and acknowledge that i am here for a reason. i don't just get granted a righteous religion and so many blessings to just be a vegetable. i want to do something useful with my life, something good, something beneficial for not only myself but for those around me. i want to use the skills Allah has given me, utilise them and as cliche as it sounds,.. make a difference'.

i think too many of us underestimate ourselves and what we are capable of and that's the problem. everyone needs to realise how much they're worth. the only reason you'd be held back from making some kind of positive change is if you've been limited with certain disabilities, and that would be because Allah had made you that way, so you should still strive to be the best person you can be with what Allah has given you. i hope i can live up to just that iA.

*Ya Rab keep us all on the straight path and lead us to jannah, Ameen.*