road to nowhere..

it's late but here i am yet again laying on my bed eyes wide open with thoughts running around in circles. i am a little frustrated atm, i keep talking to people, people close to me, i listen to their problems, some petty and shallow, foolish even, others not so much. i'm not saying i haven't complained before or that i don't about things that, whenever i look back on end up seeming so insignificant. i know we are only human and are too often only concerned with our own feelings and our own well being but i can't for the life of me get how we can sit there wallowing in our own self pity for days on end and not try to do anything to change it. you might not be able to change a situation but you can change the way you think about it or at least the way you think in general and the way you carry yourself. i can be in the worse stress ever, feel dejected even but then i remember Allah swt and no matter what i am going through i still know and feel his presence. i can have no one in my life, but i know He will still be there. i thank Him everyday, for even letting me go through the tests i do because they make me who i am and us up as human beings. you can choose to embrace what you've been blessed with or let your difficulties blind you. just because you have bad days doesn't mean you have a bad life. always try to become the best you can be, on behalf of those who never got the opportunity. not everyone gets to be in your shoes, not everyone has a home with a family and food and a likeliness that they’ll be alive tomorrow.

everything happens for a reason, nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. illness, injury, love and sheer stupidity all occur to test our limits. without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. it would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

i've been having a lot of One on One with God recently. i haven't cried during a prayer for a really, really long time and i had only ever done it a couple of times before. it wasn't because i was upset or anything though, it was because i couldn't believe that after everything i've been through and all the things i've done, here i was on my knees in sujood, because He's chosen to stay by me and guide me. i've been so blessed to be given everything i have and i feel like i can't repent enough to show Him how sorry i am to ever misuse the advantages i have or to ever unintentionally be ungrateful to Him for them.

i've realised i am at a point in my life where i need to start building myself, or "finding myself". i want these next couple of years to be me doing just that with Allah swt in my heart and mind guiding me the entire time. i don't want any type of person to affect my decisions for now or the future, not even the most beloved people to me.

the world is twice as big and beautiful as it is small and shallow and i want to get as much as i can out of it as possible, to experience all the good it has to offer as well as its bad (if Allah wills it for me i can only gain something from it inshallah). to take deep breaths of realization and acknowledge that i am here for a reason. i don't just get granted a righteous religion and so many blessings to just be a vegetable. i want to do something useful with my life, something good, something beneficial for not only myself but for those around me. i want to use the skills Allah has given me, utilise them and as cliche as it sounds,.. make a difference'.

i think too many of us underestimate ourselves and what we are capable of and that's the problem. everyone needs to realise how much they're worth. the only reason you'd be held back from making some kind of positive change is if you've been limited with certain disabilities, and that would be because Allah had made you that way, so you should still strive to be the best person you can be with what Allah has given you. i hope i can live up to just that iA.

*Ya Rab keep us all on the straight path and lead us to jannah, Ameen.*

sdfhkjsdeskhsdf

you read things and hear things and see things and it makes so much sense to you and you know it would make sense to others if they knew what you knew too but then you try to explain what you know and you try to talk it out but you stutter and trip on your words and end up making a total verbal mess without getting your point across.. yeh that's me sometimes,, i wish you could just wrap your thoughts up with a nice little bow and hand it to a person.