24;

I wish* this was my real to-do list, unfortunately for the next 24 days or so i will remain contained in my room, studying, except of course for the days of which i have to leave my prison cell and go attempt my tee, i mean own my tee, honest mother :) yeh, probably not, but i'm going to try. i'm praying for us fellow year 12s. We'll ace em Inshallah*.. and then its holidayss..a long, 3 months of blessed holidays. i cant wait, there are so many things i want to do, so many sweets i want to bake, so many people i want to spend time with..just 24 days left, 24.days.left..Bismillah..

behold the rainbow ! :)

so it was my 7teenthh yesterday and i decided that although i had originally planned to commence the making of the legendary rainbow cake after my tee exams i just could not wait a day longer; and what better way to spend my birthday i thought, than to slave in the kitchen for 5hrs, baking my own birthday cake,..yeh that sounded better in my head. im not crazy. it actually made me insanely happy, like seriously i felt like a 6 year old unleashed into a candy store, knowing everything was freee! it took a long time, a lot of patience and a lot of cleaning/scrubing off food colouring stains off my hands but when i had finished it, no, when my lovliess came over that day and i cut the cake open oh so carefully and took the first piece out..when that explosion of rainbow, painstakingly constructed to excite the eye and quicken the pulse - well my pulse, yes these types of things excite the hell outta me, like physically - i was jumping around and clapping my hands like a little school girl. im not weird. when i was exposed to what i can only describe as perfection, yes im modest too :p, it took me 5hrs, leave me be, i deserve to bask in glory for this :p. but the best part was when my gorgeous girls took the first bite of their slice of rainbow cake, not only did it look amazing but it tasted even better. im not biased, everyone who tried it said so :p. aside from the feeling of immense accomplishment i got from actually succeeding in making and not burning at all THE rainbowcake i had a great day, a few nice phone calls, txt messages and of course i was lucky enough to spend the day with some of my favourite people in the entire world; eating masses of junkfood, kebabs, rainbowcakee and watching confusing romantic comedies with not so hotshot actor - Mark Polish.. yeh i hadnt heard of him until now either :p, its no wonder he was no where to be seen on the cover, even though he was the main character.., unfortunately :S. Alas, it was just nice to have the people i love around me, delicious food in my mouth/stomach and my rainbowcakee sitting oh so pretty and colourful on the dining room table :)

Whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you..stranger.

-The Dark Night

if they say why, why? Tell em that its human nature..

whose an idiot? im an idiot. should stick a massive sign on my forehead. shoulda, coulda, woulda done alota things, anything but that. i dont even know why i care so much, but i do. i dont want you to be so predominently important, but you are. i was trying to prove a point to myself but now that your feelings are involved they're the only ones that matter :S. id drop everything if youd ask me to, disregard others feelings over yours if itd make you feel better, but i shouldnt. why do i have to constantly remind myself that there are so many things i shouldnt do. you shoudlnt be that important, i mean not in that sense. i think too much of you, id do too much for you but i shouldnt, i mean i shouldnt right?

When you look up at the stars and realise what an insignificant spec of lint you are, compared to the humongous immensity of the infinite universe, you've gotta ask yourself: How much does a final paper really matter, anyway?

- Pete Wrigley, The adventures of Pete and Pete

if your going through hell, keep going.

i want to curse, scream and shout, throw punches right smack in the faces of some people, but i wont, i cant. i could fight, seek revenge, but i know thats not me, i know its shaytan talking, whispering in my ear trying to get to me, trying to make me feel hate, anger..i dont want to feel that way though, i wont if i can help it - ill rise above all of that inshallah - ill take the highroad. i dont know what peoples reasons are but maybe it is too drastic to say that no one gives a crap. Although most of the things i've heard throughout my life feel like empty words at the moment id like to believe no one in my family would wish bad upon us or want us to suffer. i want to stay positive about everything, i dont want to get down, i cant afford that right now, not when my mocks are here and my tee are just around the corner. its been hard, its been the worst its ever been, but its still better than most, i have to remember that. i am still thankful that everyone in my family has their health; that my dad is okay, that we are coping. i think we're coping. i know i have to stick this out and be patient, i have faith that if i do that things will eventually fall into place again. Allah (swt) will get us through this, we just need to leave it in His hands, trust in Him, have patience and sit back and wait for this crazy ride to be over because i know that even if i come off shaking, i'll be standing on my own two feet again, walking away from the ride, with just a memory.

Human beings are simple, predictable cliches. Broken hearts, betrayal, its all been done a million times before. The problem is, every time still hurts like the first. And if you're lucky enough to recover, you can be sure that just as you finish filling in all the cracks in your life, the next one is starting to open. - Dead like me

25 things :)

stole this challenge off rabiyah :) and decided to give it a shot; its pretty simple, make a list of 25 random things about yourself or of things that have contributed to you being the person that you are.

1. i smile a lot, like seriously you'd think id have to get it surgically removed. i'll usually even smile during serious situations, thats not to say i cant be serious if the situation called for it but im just generally a happy person.

2. im pretty easy to please, easily amused, easy to get along with, but iam not easy.

3. i love honey, its like my healthy alternative for sugar :)

4. but iam deathly terrified of the little things that buzz around making the stuff and will run a mile if one gets even remotely close to me :S

5. iam majorly prone to accidents, embarrassment, awkwardness - the lott.

6. i love to sing, i cannot go a day without singing, i sometimes do it subconsciously and dont realise it, until people are staring or have stopped talking.

7. i hiccup every single day, at least once.

8. i get cold really easily, my teeth can chatter for upto 3hrs straight, and nothing, not even a wolf can stop it - its no wonder im so damn skinny :S

9. i have no pride when it comes to apologizing to someone for something i did wrong or even if i dont think i am the one in the wrong - id rather apologize then let a stupid argument drag on.

10. i get high on applejuice, like seriously.

11. i need things to match all the time, i will buy a new top and wont wear it until i've found something to match. it also annoys the hell out of me when people just throw on a rainbow of colours without taking into consideration that yellow, brown, pink, maroon, grey and black dont go together whatsoever! i feel like ripping peoples clothes off when they do that, i mean what :

12. i can speak at rallies and sing infront of thousands of people but put me on a scary ride and ill piss myself.

13. i have been called cute by a four year old and countless others who are also so much younger than me -.-'

14. i love little kids, i think they are the bombdigidi, however i think as a parent i would be the biggest push over and my kids would most likely walk all over me.

15. i have 4 scars from burning myself with an iron, one being just below my bicep but before my elbow - yeh dont ask.

16. i get a lot of migraines, i dont know why, iron deficiency? or maybe its hereditary :S, either way i've learnt to live with them seeing as no medicine in this world works for me and the legendary tigerbalm has failed me on many occasions as of recently :(

17. i cant swallow pills for crap. my throat closes up, i just cant. give me soluble anyday :)

18. i bake a lot of cakes for my friends,

19. it annoys my mother,

20. she wishes id make more cakes for her.

21. i want to change the world, make some sort of difference and i will Inshallah.

22. i have a lot of friends but only very few that i call mybestfriends. I will go to the ends of the earth to see u happy if i consider u to be either one.

23. i randomly break out into a fob accent and act like im four. (not at the same time though - a four year old fob, that would be weird).

24. i hum when im nervous or when the conversation just isnt going anywhere.

25. iam physically attracted to cleean (rab will know what i mean. that rhymed aha-ha. soz lol) and the whole manly vibe, give me broad shoulders and hairy arms over shaved legs and scrauny little boy figures anyday :P.