That. That is exactly what i plan on doing, not that my plans ever go accordingly but I'm going to try, I have to. Dwelling on the past is getting me nower, i only feel empty, numb, not like myself and i hate it. I've always loathed the idea, the concept of being upset or even ill, that's why whenever i do feel like either of those things my mind and body go into overdrive, over doing and feeling everything. When I'm feeling sick, for instance I'll instead be overly active, even more so then usual, if i have a sore throat I'll sing my lungs off and continuously, if I'm upset i do everything to look happy to the people around me. I hate feeling upset but i hate the idea of people catching me upset even more. I guess i hate the whole sympathy crap, the whole 'It'll be okay' - how the hell do you know, have you gone through what I'm going through? I don't think so. I don't know i guess pretending like I'm happy for a while and seeing people believe it makes it feel real, but the sad thing is it really is just for a while. I can keep the charade up for as long as i want but sooner or later i end up having to face it and by that time, its built up so much that it seems almost impossible to tackle. So what usually ends up happening is i push everything i don't want to think about to the back of my mind, until a later date where I'm forced to bring it back to the front lines again. I really have to stop doing that, its turned out to be pretty unhealthy for me :S. I think it's time to let things happen, let them fall where they may, deal with it when it arises, hurt when the times right and let it all go in an instant, never looking back.
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