Day 8 - Dear favourite Internet friend

Dear Google,

I love you, no really, I absolutely adore you, every day I eagerly anticipate opening you and seeing what great information has continued to be posted onto the internet while I've slept. You've saved my ass countless times, by allowing me to gain easy access to information in a matter of seconds. I use you for everythingg, school stuff, and just things that interest me in general, you name it, I use you for it :). You definately put Einstein to shame; Your absolutely amazing, your are the definition of Genius. I want to thank you as many times as people go on you and send you muffin baskets every day of the week, but I don't quite think that's possible :(. I just hope you know how awesome you are and how many people you've helped and entertained around the world. You Rock Google !

keep doing what your doing! :)

Day 6 - Dear Stranger

Dear Mister Stranger, even though I don't know you, you've come up a lot in my life, believe me. I've grown up with a sentence that has always contained your n a m e. My Mummy told me, my teachers told me, even Constable Care told me :P. Whether you find this unfortunate or not, I've always been told, brought up never to talk to you, take candy from you or open the door to you, so I'm sorry, but we shall probably never meet.
Have a good life though :).

Day 5 - Dear Dreams

You and I seem to be at odds. You seem to be as elusive as a ghost. I can picture you, imagine you in my mind - but even when I see you right there in front of me, I can't grasp you, I can't touch you, feel your presence around me. I want you, but why do you have to be so God damn unattainable ?! Well maybe your not, maybe you just seem that way, maybe I can get you, maybe I just need to fight for you guys. You get very limited opportunities in this life, but they're not always going to come and find you, maybe, sometimes it's left up to you to go out there and find what your looking for and do everything in your power to get it. I think, I'll do just that, I'll find you, you'll see, I'll make you tangible, I'll force your presence upon me, around me, just please, if I do find you, Don't let me wake up.

its a hard knock life, for us.

Ahh..I really havent been having the best day. Life can be pretty harsh sometimes, I mean I know that everything happens for a reason, but at times, things can just get so hard and it all becomes too much to deal with. And I'm not even talking about myself right now. It's funny, cause sometimes you really think you've got it tough and wish you could switch places with another person for a day, just to get away from it all; truth is though no matter how bad you have it, no matter what kind of day your having and how much you just want to escape it all, there will always be someone who has it ten times worse and wants to escape it that much more than you. It's crazy how much we take for granted, I swear, I regret ever thinking for a single second; 'why did it have to happen to me' and 'if only', or 'I wish*'. How selfish is it to think like that, how ignorant and ungrateful..at least I'm healthy, at least I have a family who loves me, at least I have food and clothes on my back and don't have to live in fear everyday; which unfortunately is more than I can say for a lot :(. Alhamdullilah for everything, I should be so grateful, we all should. Godd..sometimes I listen to how bad some people have it and I feel for them, I do, but I know I will never truly understand or be able to empathise with them because the truth is I don't know what they're going through because I havent gone through it. I wish words could heal, but sadly they can't. It's stupid, we can be so childish sometimes, so stubborn, so narrow minded, we let the smallest things bother us, we get into stupid arguments and say stupid things in anger, without thinking..and for what, honestly..?

Life's too short for all of that.

Ya Rab, please help all those who need it, guide us on the straight path and protect us, strengthen us in our Imaan; Help us come to terms with the bad that life throws at us and make things easy for us to understand and accept. Ameen.

Day 4 - Dear Sibling (closest relative)

Where do I start with you missy, your not just a cousin and like my best friend, your my Sister. I have this constant need to protect you from all the bad things in life, because it hits me so damn hard when I see you even the slightest bit upset. I'm not as strong as you think either, but I feel like if I'm not strong for you then I've not only let you down, but myself too because your like my little sister omgg. I love you so much, you have absolutely no idea, I would fight for you, kill for you, die for you, you name it. You have such an amazing personality, I love how empathetic you are with others and that fire inside you that doesn't let a soul tell you what to do or sway you if its against something you believe in. I love that although you can give some mean attitude when you need to, your always looking not to hurt peoples feelings. I love how excited you get about the smallest things, and your random screams when something good has just happened. I love how real and genuine you are and that you don't care about what people think of you and are not out to impress anyone. I love that when I refuse to tell you something you ignore me and I think your gonna come back but you don't so I end up having to tell you, I would anyway, even if you didnt ignore me :P. I love that I can tell you anything and although you think I'm a weirdo remember it's inherited ;). I love that you've taken after my clumsiness :P (except when you actually get hurt then that makes me sad :( lol). I love that we can read eachothers minds and finish eachothers sentences :P. I love that we've been in the most crazy situations and we always end up going to the ends of the earth just to do something nice for someone we both care about. I love that you've learnt from my mistakes and i hope to God you don't repeat them :P. I love that nothing is impossible when it comes to us and that we can always have hope, as long as we're together. I love that your my duckiee and I'm your chicken, I love the story behind those names ;P. I love that we've shared a gazillion memories, good and bad but I swear I would'nt trade a single one, because even through the bad, you always made it bearable, I would seriously cease to exist without you. Your such a cutie, and I know that you only do things, because you care and because you don't want to see me hurt; I'm sorry for ever getting upset or slightly annoyed at you for anything because I get it, and I'd probably do the same or worse haha :P. I love you to bitss and although I'm a calm person, if anyone ever did the slightest thing to hurt you, that person would disappear and you'd see someone completely different, it's happened once before I think lol. I would rather get my heart broken a million times over, than to see your heart get broken once. Thank you for absolutely everything, really, you don't know how much it all means. I love you Reyhan, forever & always munchkin.s2

Day 3- Dear Parents

Okay, so I know that I've put you's through hell on several occasions and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever lying to you or going behind your back and doing something that I know you would'nt approve of me doing. I just hope that you both know that never did i have the intention to hurt either one of you in any way. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm a teenager, a kid, i hear we're prone to making mistakes, not that, that's any kind of excuse, and I would never use it as one.

Mum, you can be incredibly shallow and jugdgemental and you tend to overreact sometimes, but I know that you love me more than anything and you just want me to have the best in life. Your approval, believe it or not actually means a lot to me and I will try my hardest to get into UWA, because it's what you want, not that your giving me much of a choice but still I won't put up a fight with you, I'll go. I really admire you, I think your one of the cleverest people I know, and your cooking, omgg, I may be biased but honestly, you make the best food there is. I love you Mum, I really do and I have the utmost respect for you, I love that you put on this tough act but at the end of the day, you just want to be cuddled and noticed. Dad, I think you are the most unselfish, caring, intelligent, funny person i have ever encountered and will ever encounter in my life, you are simply amazing. No matter how many times I mess up you are always standing right there, gesturing to give me a hug and comfort me. I hate when you stand up for me though because you end up getting the blame too, but i appreciate it so much. I really hope I'm lucky enough to find a guy with your qualities, I truly would be set.

I'd love to say that I'm never going to disapoint either of you again but I think it's innevitable that I do :S, I'm only human and I'm still a child, so I'm bound to make more mistakes. You guys still have me picking my husband out to look forward to :P. But I want you both to know that although I make mistakes, I really do have a good head on my shoulders and I know that because you guys brought me up that way. I can defrinciate between right and wrong, and i do;

Just have some faith in me*.

I Believe I Can Fly..

wow, its really coming, this is it; these are our last few weeks at school. I can't wrap my mind around it, the place i've spent more than half my life, laughing, learning, growing..the very place that's made me who i am today, the one place where, maybe wasn't always perfect, or ever, really but it was home; the people i've met at that place, i know i would have never encountered any where else, they are My Family and i'm so glad i was lucky enough to go to AIC, and Inshallah i'll be lucky enough to say i graduated from there. I wish the Man who made it all possible, who made the impossible, possible for so many was there right now..& i wish he'd be there to watch me graduate, to give me that piece of paper that says i've graduated, while kissing my forehead..but he won't. I'm not going to let that discourage me though, actually because of that fact i'm going to try even harder, strive higher, because I want to make him proud, even if it is from behind bars. I've just got a couple of weeks left, i have to make them count, i've got to work and hard, I will. I know i'm being slightly contradictory right now, because as im talking about trying, working harder than ever, instead of finishing assignments i'm typing this out :P. But as soon as i finish this, i will. I'm making this promise to myself, to my family, but most of all to my grandfather, I will do this, I can do it.

Day 2 - Dear Crush

Dear crush, I actually kinda wish you existed right now, would make things a hell of a lot easier, but you don't. I can't say much else, guess I'll be waiting..

Day 1 - Dear Best Friend

You. You are perfection, the very definition of beauty in my eyes. You've come further than anyone else, closer than anyone else, man who am I kidding you didn't just get close you got there, you've taken over a huge part of my heart, that if ever reckoned with..well, i would'nt have much of a heart left now would I. We've been through it ALL, gotten through hell and bliss, been crazy and content, we've had our fall outs, but it's okay because no matter what happens or where we are, we always find our way back to each other and end up being stronger and closer than ever. You know absolutely everything there is to know about me, from what makes me tick, to the weirdest things that repulse me, but you understand it all and I love that. Your my parachute, my safety, my security, my sanity (although yur quite insane :P)..and even though your a complete woose jst like Ishrat LOL, I know that when times get rough I can come to you no matter what the circumstances and you'll do whatever you can to help, id even go as far as to say that you'd take a bullet for me if it came down to it :P. Not that i'd ever let a bullet come within miles of you. I love you so much best friend. I love how unpredictable you are, how much you care for your loved ones but that if a dog came running towards you, you'd bolt so fast, locking the gate behind you not letting anyone in even if they were screaming in fear (i actually would't love that a whole lot if you did it to me but it amuses the hell outta me hearing how you abondoned others haha). I love the fact that its never boring when im around you and how the most insane things tend to happen when we're together, like meeting Bruno and getting bashed by South African men and suchh. I love how you'd help a stranger off the street if they needed it (provided they were'nt scary looking :P) and your four year old laugh and crazy out bursts. I love your massive heart and that although you might not always make the right decisions, you hate to hurt anyone and always try to mend people and make them feel special. I love your random obsessions, how you never judge anyone and how you talk to your little sister like she's your world. I love how we're conjointed, the fact that I can talk to you for hours & we're never at a loss for words, your retarded accents and our fob role plays. I love how genuine you are and how you were born to stand out. I love absolutely everything about you, faults alike and i would'nt change a thing about you or trade a hair on your head for anything in this world. Know that people in your life may come and go but I'm forever, we're forever and I'm never going anywhere, I promise. Always know this; if you need me, i'll be there in a heartbeat, if your in trouble i'll save you, if someones trying to hurt you i'll be your bodyguard, if your half way accross the world or wherever you'll always have a part of me with you and that wont ever change. I love your crazyass babe, your more than anything I could have ever asked for in a best friend;
Your my world Gillam.

bedtimes' the hardest

I'm warm, snug, comfortable and tired, so why the hell am i still awake? Why is it that just when your all ready to go to sleep, its at that moment a million things fill your mind, clearly untamed thoughts, almost endless in their possibilities. Why is it now that you choose to worry, to ponder, to disect certain things someone had said to you or regret things you'd done or hadn't done that day, why now, why bedtime? I quite enjoy my sleep and when i brush my teeth, slip into my strawberry covered pjays and hop into bed i expect to be allowed to do just that. Yet here i am drowning in my own thoughts, listening to nothing but them and the silence of the still dark room, the creeks of the ceiling..that doesnt help either, the silence, I fall asleep so much easier when there is wind gushing, rain pouring, thunder booming and lightning striking outside my window, I find it hell soothing. But no, unfortunately winter has decided not to work in my favour tonight. I wonder why when you have problems, its the nights, when your in the comfort of your own bed that feel the hardest. Is it because your completely alone, just you and your thoughts, no distractions and what feels like endless time? It's pretty damn annoying actually, any hurt, pain feels that much worse..guess the whole, 'crying yourself to sleep' notion has to apply sometimes..

Elementary My Dear Watson; 30 Day Letter Challenge

okay so i've decided to do this challenge, its called 'the 30 day letter challenge' where everyday for 30 days you write a letter to different people in your life.

the list consists of the following;
Day 1 - Your Best friend
Day 2 - Your crush
Day 3 - Your parents
Day 4 - Your sibling (closest relative)
Day 5 - Your dreams
Day 6 - A stranger
Day 7 - Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 - Your favourite internet friend
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to
Day 11 - A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 - The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 - Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 - Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15 - The person you miss the most
Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17 - Someone from your childhood
Day 18 - The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 - Someone that pesters your mind-good or bad
Day 20 - The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 - Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 - The last person you kissed
Day 24 - The person that gave you your favourite memory
Day 25 - The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 - The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 - The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 - Someone that changed your life
Day 29 - The person you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 - Your reflection in the mirror

starting today, the 19th of July to 19th of August, i'll post a different letter every day according to that list. Stay tuned :)

they say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gon' stop the bleeding..

That. That is exactly what i plan on doing, not that my plans ever go accordingly but I'm going to try, I have to. Dwelling on the past is getting me nower, i only feel empty, numb, not like myself and i hate it. I've always loathed the idea, the concept of being upset or even ill, that's why whenever i do feel like either of those things my mind and body go into overdrive, over doing and feeling everything. When I'm feeling sick, for instance I'll instead be overly active, even more so then usual, if i have a sore throat I'll sing my lungs off and continuously, if I'm upset i do everything to look happy to the people around me. I hate feeling upset but i hate the idea of people catching me upset even more. I guess i hate the whole sympathy crap, the whole 'It'll be okay' - how the hell do you know, have you gone through what I'm going through? I don't think so. I don't know i guess pretending like I'm happy for a while and seeing people believe it makes it feel real, but the sad thing is it really is just for a while. I can keep the charade up for as long as i want but sooner or later i end up having to face it and by that time, its built up so much that it seems almost impossible to tackle. So what usually ends up happening is i push everything i don't want to think about to the back of my mind, until a later date where I'm forced to bring it back to the front lines again. I really have to stop doing that, its turned out to be pretty unhealthy for me :S. I think it's time to let things happen, let them fall where they may, deal with it when it arises, hurt when the times right and let it all go in an instant, never looking back.