Carpe`diem

You know that moment when you can finally tell you’re growing up? Yeah, I've been feeling that lately, and it's weird, but the good kind :). Everything is happening so fast, time is seriously flying by~. But I am so excited for what the future holds, if I get there InshAllah. I want to expand my horizons, there are so many things I want to do and accomplish, so much I have yet to learn, so many opportunities and moments I want to be able to grasp and seize. So many places I want to visit, so many people I want to help, meet, embrace, love. I want to be responsible for someone other than myself,.. for the people around me.

At this point in my life, I know what it is that I want, and I think too, what it is that I really need. Now it is just a matter of getting there and making things happen InshAllah. I feel like I've already experienced and seen so much, but I know the reality is I haven't seen or experienced anything yet, and I want to, I can't wait to. I am well aware that I may not have all of the time in the world but I want to do as much as I can with the time that I’m given. I am hopeful for the future, for what it has to offer me and hopefully, for what I have to offer it, it is all in Allah swt's Hands and I trust Him with every fiber of my being. "The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried". Bismillah* Ya Rab, allow me to have purpose in my endeavors, to move forward in ways that only please You. To have barakah put in the things that I do and get. For me to continue to want to grow, decide to grow, make an effort to grow and persist in growth, all towards becoming a better person and Muslim. To get the most out of what You have given me and to never stop learning and being grateful. And the same for all of my loved ones and the Muslim ummah around the world IA. Ameen*

The Bucket List :)

• Visit Palestine
• Go to a poverty struck country and help out in some way
• Go to Umrah
• Go to Hajj
• Sponsor a child
• Memorize a significant amount of the Qur’an, if not the whole Qur’an
• Be able to name all the surahs in the Qur’an
• Learn proper tajweed
• Get my driver’s license
• See snow
• Ride my bike in the country side
• Publish a book
• Be the best Muslim I can be
• Get married and have kids :)
• Learn Arabic fluently
• Visit Venice, Italy, and go on a gondola ride with someone
• Visit Turkey, and the Islamic museum there
• Learn something new daily
• Climb to the cave of Hira
• Help build a school and or hospital in a poverty struck country
• Touch, pet, possibly own a lion? Baby sit one?
• Hug a lion or a tiger, I’m not picky
• Do a marathon for a good cause like breast cancer or autism
• Ride an elephant
• Stand at the top of a mountain
• Go paintballing
• Go on a Nile cruise
• Go on a road trip with my best friend
• Sight the Eid moon
• Ride in a hot air balloon
• Be a successful teacher
• Get my masters in specializing with teaching people with special needs
• Spend a week with no cell phone or computer
• Endeavour to start everything with bismillah
• Go whale watching
• Successfully have a piggybank or whatever they’re called these days
• Play all of my favourite songs on the piano
• Stay awake to watch the sun rise and sun set in the same day with someone
• Do something really nice for several strangers and expect nothing in return
• Go camping
• Go hiking
• Learn to bake bread
• Make wudhu in the ocean, and salah on the shore (beach)
• Spend a night gazing at the stars on the beach
• Be successful in speaking out to kids
• Learn the meaning of my favourite surah
• Go fishing, then cut up and cook my own fish
• Go to a drive in movie, do they still have those?
• Have a small library in my home
• Shower in a waterfall
• Buy a homeless person a pair of shoes
• Donate blood
• Send a message in a bottle
• Get a kitten
• Leave an inspiring book on a bus or train for someone to read
• Run until I can’t breathe anymore
• Go fishing in the middle of the ocean
• Take a walk in the rain with someone
• Write a letter and hide it somewhere in another country for someone to read

Bismillah* I really, really want to commit to this list and try to do everything that's on it throughout my life inshAllah :)

Note* will be adding things on as I think of them.

your mistakes should be your motivation not your excuses.

I am feeling really really good atm, the calmest and most content I've felt in a very long time Alhamdullilah :). Things don't always have to be or seem perfect, just having the opportunity to live another day, take another breath of fresh air is more than enough for me. I feel more myself than ever, or more like I feel I'm on my way to becoming the person I want to be inshAllah. I've learnt so much these past couple of months especially, and I am so grateful. One thing I've learnt recently is that you should never let anyone tell you what makes you happy and what doesn't, what's good for you and what isn't, what's considered 'normal' and what's not. I've learnt that wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it and right is right even if no one is doing it. I've learnt that you can't please humans, no matter how hard you try, most people will either dislike you for your success or for your stupidity. But Allah swt, He praises you and loves you more than anything when you're living your life pleasing him. Life isn't easy, it's true that it's probably always easier to say yes than no, it's easier to give in than hold back. But why would you want to be praised by people who are nothing more than flesh, when instead you can be praised by the One who created every single molecule? No more excuses inshAllah, I want Allah swt to be happy with me before anything or anyone else, I want Him to put Barakah in the things that I do and the things that I get, I don't want anything that comes from His wrath. They say "no pain, no gain" and yeah maybe it's difficult to refrain from or to avoid certain things but it'll save you soo much pain in the long run. We should all look at life with a positive attitude, not because you're trying to constantly look like a happy person but because you have been blessed to be alive, you were worthy enough to be created by Allah and He chose you to be apart of this righteous religion. Again, no matter how bad your life gets, it will always be better than someone else's, not only that but you were given opportunities that majority of the world wasn't given, count your blessings at night. The key to happiness isn't having everything you want, but being amongst nothingness and still appreciating it. Alhamdullilah truly, for everything.*

I am going to let this go, pretend to wrap up all of my pain, thoughts and feelings, tie it to a balloon and let it fly away~ Bismillah.. for the hundredth time I am going to let this go. I've finally learnt though that just because I let something go, doesn't mean I have to let it slide. There is a difference. I can forgive someone but that doesn't mean I can't express what bothered me in the first place before doing so, otherwise that particular person may not realize what they had done wrong and repeat it. Nevertheless it is always the right thing to forgive. If we can be so arrogant as to not show mercy on others then how can we expect Allah swt to have mercy on us on the day of judgment. Allah swt forgives us for everything; sins the size of pebbles to ones the size of mountains. So I can forgive this, I can forgive this. Ya Rab give me the strength and patience to always try and do the right thing*.

day and night, Syria. you're in my prayers.

i can’t keep watching videos of Syrians with their bodies blown up and completely mutilated. i physically can’t. and it sucks so much because.. just because i refuse to watch it, doesn't mean it isn't still happening, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. no matter how tightly i shut my eyes or refuse to click on those links…people are still getting their bodies blown up, and they’re dying and they’re children. i can’t for the life of me get how the world can stand idly by while these crimes against humanity are being carried out against our Syrian brothers and sisters, over and over and over again. the problem is the world isn’t seeing what’s happening in Syria; sure they hear about it, but they’re not encountering these situations firsthand (not that we really are), but they aren’t watching these videos either. in order to almost fully understand what’s going on in Syria, the world NEEDS to watch these videos! only then will they almost understand the true pain, suffering, oppression, injustice, violence, cruelty that is going on in Syria. only then will their emotions finally scream “We need to help them!” assad, just jump off a cliff already, die and go to hell! i feel pangs in my chest just thinking about them.., and i can't stop thinking, i can’t get the images of those children out of my head, no matter how hard i try. i can’t deal with having these nightmares anymore, i can’t deal with knowing the Syrian people are living that nightmare. i feel like their pain and suffering has become apart of my life now, like it's personal. i believe that's how it should be though, we as Muslims are supposed to be like one body, and when a part of the body hurts the whole body suffers along with it, the body cannot be at peace until that particular part of the body is ok again. i find myself getting so emotionally involved, so offended and angry when someone talks about the situation in Syria as 'not being that bad' or 'nothing to do with Assad or his government'.. you know what politics aside, what makes me so angry is that we're all arguing about who and what when instead..can't we just remember the dead? respect the martyrs of Syria. remember that tonight, a mother is missing her son. a wife, is sleeping in an empty bed. a father, is without a daughter. we're focusing and arguing about what countries are involved (like the US and Russia..) and what defines us and what threatens us, but we are not focusing on the blood flowing out of Homs. *Ya Rab protect Syria and protect us all. Ya Rab allow the bloodshed to end, comfort the people of Syria, permit them to attain their freedom and let tomorrow be a brighter day for them. Ameen.*